The rainy Saturday. Things have changed, finally.

It’s been raining these days, I like the weather, perfect for staying in and just lay back and chill with a cup of hot drink.

Parents came back this afternoon, cooked them lunch. Things have changed, in a good way. Dad got anxiety and minor depression since my grandma got sick but she is all good now. You may feel it’s weird that I said this is a good thing if you don’t know my life well. Thanks to the torturous days my grandma made my dad suffer through when she was sick, which changed my dad. He finally realised he did stupid stuffs before, which ruined my mom’s, my brother’s and my life. I don’t know if this change is partially due to my dad’s andropause, I hope he won’t change back to who he were after he sees my doctor and gets better.

The feeling I have now is complicated. It is not merely due to my dad, it’s about everything that is with me now. I am in clinical years and started to doubt if I can be a good doctor, I hope I can. I will just try the best I can and see how it goes.

About relationships, ya still single haha, I don’t know since when I stopped giving a damn about the guys around me. I still find it hard to believe in love because all the stuffs I have been through. Sometimes I feel a bit scared, you know, as W. Somerset Maugham said, the great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love. So, I would like to believe it is just that I haven’t met the one for me.

Going to Maldives again at the end of April, booked a package but not confirmed by the agent yet, hopefully things go well. Need some quality time with nature and myself before I start my research project.

It’s late now and still raining, perfect for a good night sleep 🙂

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Time is the greatest healer

Holding lecture notes and not really studying as usual in this Sunday afternoon. As I looking at the window and staring into space, once again I feel the power of time. It is so cruel yet gentle, it heals every wound and washes away everything without a single tread of evidence of their existence no matter how significant they were. I have been hurt and thought I would live under its shadow for the rest of my life. But slowly the dark shadow starts to fade, I just don’t care any more, I can’t even believe it, yes, that is true, I don’t care any more. Life is too short to live in the past. What is done cannot be undone, what is seen cannot be unseen. If we really think about life, there is really nothing important. After all, we are just tiny little things that cannot even be seen in the universe. We are all ashes. So why not just let time help us to ignore the things that upset us and keep the big smile on our faces?

Face the sun, embrace the rain, laugh when the thunder strikes, live our lives to the best.

so, here I am

hmmm, I’m not sure what should I write in my first post here…I use to have a blog when I was in junior high, back then everyone was using msn so I started blogging on msn space until msn closed down and my blog was moved automatically to wordpress, I barely use my blog after that. Few days ago a friend of mine told me he started blogging, which reminded me of my blog that I almost forget about. So, I decided to sign up for a new blog and start over again.

Why I suddenly want a blog? I was a girl who didn’t want other people to know about what’s buried in my heart and always trying to hide my feelings, pretending to be happy, until about a month ago, when I found out something which finally shattered the little world I created for myself since I was young, where I lied to myself and avoid to face the depressing things around me. I feel I need a place to write down my feelings; first it was my diary, then I feel the stuff I wrote in my diary is not going to relieve my mind since no one would see what I write in my diary. I need a place where I can share my feelings with people who understand me, so I come back to blogging, to build another world where I can take off my mask and talk my heart.

Well, I’m not good at ending a post in a fancy way so….I will come back here often and share more of the things in my life 🙂 Hope you enjoy my words (and sorry I’m not a good writer haha).