Decided to be all alone

We expect followers if we have public blogs, but somehow I feel extremely insecure to have followers and visitors that actually know me in real life. Honestly, I don’t want to expose the inner me to them, I felt unsettled when my best friend in high school followed my blog and it totally freaked me out when I learnt that she will receive emails if I have any new posts. I mean, it’s like there is no privacy. I’m ok if strangers become my follower, they don’t know me anyways, but friends in real life, no. I have to admit that I might have been a bit paranoid about this… So, I decided, that is it, I will start a new site and import my old posts from my old blog, and be all alone here (to stay away from the people who know me in real life). This blog is like my narnia, like my secret diary, would you let your friends or your family read your diary? I guess not.

A one-month-long swot vac started, I have been unproductive despect the fact that I off my mobile most of the day and no fb. I really need to study those endless med lecs or else i will die. Yes, tomorrow I will be more productive!

Happy Christmas holiday (well, it is Christmas study leave).

Never snows here so I turned on the snowflake setting, more christmassy haha.

Oh found this photo, how I miss this city, so beautiful in this wonderful Christmas season.melbourne

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Today is another I-did-nothing day. This feels terrible hahaha. I was planning to review some lectures but oops, where did my time go? they just left me, time must has hypnotized me and then left.

I finally signed up for Instagram, urged by a few friends of mine, they say everybody in HK uses Instagram, get one to stay updated with all the gossips. Well, I can see Instagram becoming an untouched app on my phone, I would prefer twitter. Although no one uses twitter here in HK, I would still prefer it than Instagram, I don’t post photos that much so occasionally posting random thoughts on twitter would be ‘more fun’. Besides, since no one in HK uses it, my super gossipy uni-mates in HKU won’t see my tweets! Twitter is the only safe place now hahaha.

Ok I’d better study a bit before bedtime urgh.

OMG such a long day today, 8:30am-6:00pm. It’s so long that I actually thought it is Wednesday already hahaha.

Once again I saw how funny and miserable most people are. Knew this ‘funny’ dude, truly a ‘funny’ one. He has issues and he probably doesn’t even know that. Another sad man.

Somehow I just keep on feeling that I seriously don’t belong to this society, or this world. First I found some people, well, most people around me are just childish, then I realised childish is too nice a word for them. They are just simply sad, pathetic. Then I feel I don’t have the right to judge them like this since I am living among these people, there’s a reason that we are all here, maybe it’s because we are all, to a certain degree, pathetic, including me.

Human being, what a laughable pathetic group of creatures. And what makes it even funnier is that I, as one of theseĀ poor things, am laughing at my own species.

10 days until uni starts, busy life gonna start

It seems that I have a lot to say but when I really think about it, there’s no much to write…I have been planning to study a bit, like list all the drugs I learnt, but it is just so hard to study during holidays. Maybe I should do something now, like the drugs.

I think one day I may need to smoke, hahaha yes I will be a doctor and probably a doctor who smokes. That is because I cannot have alcohol. If there is only one kind of people who actually NEEDS to smoke, I think that would be medical students and housemen and those who are preparing for specialist examinations.

Ok I don’t know what else to write, or I know what to write but I am just lazy to get things organised and type them out.

Happy year 3!

Hi Summer!

Woohoo! Finished my exams and just back from a trip to Maldives with my mom, have to say that Maldives is indeed a paradise! Don’t stay there for too long though because you may get bored. What I did everyday was basically wake up, then eat, then snorkelling, eat, snorkelling, eat, snorkelling, sleep, until I come back. Oh, I almost passed out from drinking liquor……I proved myself once again that I should not have alcohol in my life under any circumstances (even if they are free) unless I want to commit suicide and die in a most torturous way.

I found my previous posts were too passive, full of negative emotions, I think I should have a change. I mean, well, I know I have gone through terrible things but who didn’t? What was bothering me wasn’t my fault (or maybe it is partially due to me, like butterfly effect, who knows, but I am for sure not the person who is directly responsible for all those shit). So, I will let it go. I will live my life and step out from the shadow of those issues.

A week to go until the results will be released, I AM SOOOOOO NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG just please please please let me pass my exams!!!!!!!!!!!! Promise will be a good girl next year and study hard.

Enjoy your holidays everyone! Will come back here and write more soon šŸ˜‰

Cloudy Sunny Saturday

Yesterday I skipped the afternoon 3-hr-long useless lecture and went to a travel agent with my mom to plan our trip to other cities in Australia. Booked hotels and flights but not yet the tours.

I know it is a bad thing to say but I still have to say that I have a fucked up family. They managed to turn me down every time I get excited and prepared for anything that I am looking forward to. Ā A boring family can always let you down….The more frustrating part is, I cannot do anything about it.

My aunt noticed that I am never a happy child since I was very young. I grow up in a fucked up family, living with endless lies and fights. My bustard dad, my naive mom who has always been trying to save money because she thinks it has been hard for my dad to support the whole family (even though we have enough money to enjoy our lives). Poor her, she doesn’t know that her beloved husband has been cheating on her for 20 years, spending the money she had saved on another woman and her son (with the bitch’s ex-husband). Yes, my parents had been fighting because my mom suspected my dad is having an affair but she doesn’t have any concrete evidence, so my dad managed to let my mom believe in his lies. I always suspect my dad, but of course deeply in my heart I wanted to trust him, until I found some evidence this summer, this fucking disgusting jackass, he’s gonna be burnt up in hell.

And I guess this is why I don’t believe in love.

I am surprised that I managed to grow up and always being a good girl, didn’t harm myself, didn’t attempt suicide, didn’t take drugs and even managed to get into a top medical school. hahaha. That must be because gods are looking after me. And I believe that my life will get better, I will find someone that I trust, and live a happy ever after life. Like the fairy tales, all the sad kids end up happy right? I will be one of them, will I? I hope before that day comes, I won’t gone crazy lol. This is too much, I want to run away, far away to a place that no one knows me and start a new life. Well, but I cannot, don’t ask me why, I have tons of excuses but those are just excuses, I guess it’s because I am not brave enough.