30/5/2015 sunny+rainstorms 

Today I went to a gelato shop to get free coffee from a friend of mine who works there. He made me soy flat white and gave me an awsome brownie even though I didn’t ask for it. But i am so sick of chocolate after all the sweets I had these days and after making+ tasting hazelnut chocolate spread, even the sight of chocolate makes me feel like puke…so I didn’t enjoy the brownie and the flat white confirmed me that black coffee is my only choice in HK. Hmm…I really should stop eating too much sugary stuff, they really make me feel sick.

I start to doubt if I will ever get into a serious long term relationship. I may end up like Joey in Friends, which is quite sad. I feel I am so damaged that even if one day someone shows up and willing to give me what I deserve, I don’t even know how to give him a proper response. Maybe it is because that I am so used to the big hole in my soul that having it filled doesn’t seem that necessary anymore.

No nightmares tonight please. It is really not pleasant, especially when living alone, which itself is unpleasant enough. 

Heres a picture of the hazelnut chocolate spread I made, vegan, sweet and low 🙂 
 

The rainy Saturday. Things have changed, finally.

It’s been raining these days, I like the weather, perfect for staying in and just lay back and chill with a cup of hot drink.

Parents came back this afternoon, cooked them lunch. Things have changed, in a good way. Dad got anxiety and minor depression since my grandma got sick but she is all good now. You may feel it’s weird that I said this is a good thing if you don’t know my life well. Thanks to the torturous days my grandma made my dad suffer through when she was sick, which changed my dad. He finally realised he did stupid stuffs before, which ruined my mom’s, my brother’s and my life. I don’t know if this change is partially due to my dad’s andropause, I hope he won’t change back to who he were after he sees my doctor and gets better.

The feeling I have now is complicated. It is not merely due to my dad, it’s about everything that is with me now. I am in clinical years and started to doubt if I can be a good doctor, I hope I can. I will just try the best I can and see how it goes.

About relationships, ya still single haha, I don’t know since when I stopped giving a damn about the guys around me. I still find it hard to believe in love because all the stuffs I have been through. Sometimes I feel a bit scared, you know, as W. Somerset Maugham said, the great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love. So, I would like to believe it is just that I haven’t met the one for me.

Going to Maldives again at the end of April, booked a package but not confirmed by the agent yet, hopefully things go well. Need some quality time with nature and myself before I start my research project.

It’s late now and still raining, perfect for a good night sleep 🙂

Time is the greatest healer

Holding lecture notes and not really studying as usual in this Sunday afternoon. As I looking at the window and staring into space, once again I feel the power of time. It is so cruel yet gentle, it heals every wound and washes away everything without a single tread of evidence of their existence no matter how significant they were. I have been hurt and thought I would live under its shadow for the rest of my life. But slowly the dark shadow starts to fade, I just don’t care any more, I can’t even believe it, yes, that is true, I don’t care any more. Life is too short to live in the past. What is done cannot be undone, what is seen cannot be unseen. If we really think about life, there is really nothing important. After all, we are just tiny little things that cannot even be seen in the universe. We are all ashes. So why not just let time help us to ignore the things that upset us and keep the big smile on our faces?

Face the sun, embrace the rain, laugh when the thunder strikes, live our lives to the best.

half way there

Got one of the lower wisdom teeth extracted yesterday, the surgery went well and I feel ok now except that I cannot eat much solid food. Will get the other one extracted next week 🙂 hope things will go well as well.

Didn’t study much yesterday because I spent the whole afternoon at my dentist’s clinic. I got really depressed after I tried a few questions from the self- assessment test of the head and neck block. Everything looks so familiar but it is just so hard to recall the details of the anatomy. I am feeling blue now. Just started revising haematology, what can I do, just try study as hard as other people. I am too slacked, my lifestyle doesn’t suit medical life. But I chose this, so I have to do this, and I think I believe I can.

Wish me luck.

Byyeee wisdom teeth

THAT IS IT. After 8 years of suffering, I finally decided to get rid of my lower wisdom teeth. I can’t take it any more, get gum infections more and more often because the broken gum is exposed to all the bacteria we encounter everyday, since it’s not intact, it provides a nice environment for the bacs to stay and grow, which hurts like hell. So I called my dentist and will see him next Thursday. I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAY WISDOM TEETH U BITCHES OUT OF MY MOUTH!!! Hope the surgery will go well =D

overate

OMG I am so full. Just had yum cha, ordered to much sweet stuffs, I guess that was because my brain consumed too much glucose so it was screaming for sugar haha. My brother and sister in law will leave this Sunday. Finally, I can get my own bathroom back and have a neater apartment. Will miss them though, but ya, I still want my bathroom and the clean living room back lol.

Have been overeating these days when dining with bro n sis in law, they eat a lot, so I felt the urge to eat as well. Need to stop eating, feel like puke now.

So unproductive, need to study more efficiently, seriously. Just made my afternoon coffee to keep me awake after all the sugar, hopefully it will work.

BERRY OVERLOAD GELATO!!!

After a heavy indian lunch, I had a big gelato called ‘berry overload’ from holly brown, so satisfied!!!!!!! Have to say holly brown is one of the best things of Hong Kong. Now trying to finish the lecture I am reading before bed. Though I had coffee at 3pm but apparently it cannot defeat the hypnotizing power of the lecture notes on cranial nerves lol.

Looking forward to my next gelato!!! Can’t get enough of it, especially the berry overload, so good and delightful, so cheering =D

holly